Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
