i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
is that a dick in a sweater?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
