Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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