Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
