batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
