so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
