the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
