Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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