the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the condom got lost in my hair
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
