In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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