Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
