I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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