hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
