the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Randomize