when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
