Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she peed on how many people?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
