I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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