I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
