You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
