GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
