Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
