You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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