omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
