he wants to bone in the snuggie
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
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