oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
