May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
