I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
