I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
