I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
