i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Pooping to opera.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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