My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
apparently the secret to your success is patron
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
