her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
