He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
