ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So many bounce houses so little time
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
