You really coming over, don't trick.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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