Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
