We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
