I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
