She's JV to your varsity
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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