dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
