I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize