I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Is this like a preordered booty call?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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