I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
