honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
COCAINE IS GR8
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
