I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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