I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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