I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
