he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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