Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
