Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize