i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
