if you like me you must not know who I am
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
