I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
