thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Randomize
