A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i've created a new STD.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
