Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
