I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
