6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
my phone needs a breathalizer
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
