I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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