now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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