85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
