They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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