i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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