Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
