Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize