so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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