I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
