Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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