Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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