It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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