I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
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