You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
