i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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