sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
