someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
