I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
