This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
