Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
