one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Be still, my beating vagina.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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