the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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