I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
