I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
