I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
