She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
