dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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