i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I want her autograph on my taint
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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