I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
