I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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