Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
