Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
