I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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