Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
