so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
