if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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