I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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