Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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