Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
