The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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