yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
