I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
