can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
